Walking the race

I was walking back to school on a Kindergarten field trip when I realized that my classmates were ahead of me.  Panicked, I whirled my head around so fast that strands of dandelion colored hair lashed my face.  My fears were confirmed.  I was the last of my peers, only the chaperones were lulling behind.  I darted forward to catch up but somehow tumbled over myself landing face first on the sidewalk.

I remember the sting on my hands and knees from the fall.  The scabs on my face lasted for weeks before they faded into a bad memory.   More than anything, I remember that feeling of being left behind.

In some ways, I still feel like that five-year-old girl, always trailing the pack, never on pace.   Too often I feel like my life is not my own.  I am pulled here and there by needs greater than my own ambitions.  And I get frustrated.  I wonder when it will be my turn.  I think tomorrow will be different and the anomalies of today will pass and the plans I make can prosper.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord.  “Plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future,” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV.)

I am glad God knows his plans for me but sometimes I think maybe he should clue me into them.  After all, I am having a lot of interruptions in my plans and so maybe I am on the wrong plan.  Maybe I could finally get ahead if I knew where he was leading.  I would follow, God.  I promise I would.  It would be easier though if you could give me some direction, some yellow brick road so I can get out of this traffic jam to nowhere.

But then I recall that terrible fall in Kindergarten when I was desperate to keep up and humiliated to have fallen so far behind.  I am reminded that my urgency to run forward is what landed me on my face.  I couldn’t see then that while I wasn’t where I thought I should be I was still on the right path.  I was safe and before I noticed where I wasn’t I was happy with where I was.  In my own world, experiencing it at my own pace, I was at peace with the present.  I wasn’t looking forward or back.  I was free.

I remember something else about that day.  That when I fell, the people that moments before seemed so far ahead and so far behind, huddled around offering me comfort.  They reminded me that I was never as alone as it seemed.

So although my life feels circuitous like a maze and obstacles slow my intended pace I trust that God has me on the right path.

Remembering that I don’t feel a need to run.

Do you ever feel like you are being tugged in every direction but the path forward?  Is there anything you do that helps you to trust you are right where you need to be?  When I get flustered by the many things I can’t control, I try to think about what it really means to surrender.  I would love to know what you do? 

Last post – want to know the meaning of life? 

 

 

6 thoughts on “Walking the race

  • November 14, 2018 at 1:00 am
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    yes, sometimes I have to calm myself when I feel like I am behind everyone else. I tell myself that I am not in competition with anyone else and just stop it. I really have to talk to myself back to a better state of mind. I tend to worry so its been a struggle for me. Exercise (when I can make time) has helped put me in a better place. Maybe saying a prayer or two could help too.

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    • November 15, 2018 at 10:02 pm
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      Yes, comparison really is the devil especially when you realize how most often we are comparing our insides to other’s outsides. We all have a hard road to walk. We all rely on the mercy of others to get us through and we are all called to be the hands and feet of Jesus while we are here. So we all need to stop feeling less than. I know its easier said than done but that’s what I love most about God is knowing that he already thinks we are enough. You and me!

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  • November 6, 2018 at 1:27 pm
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    So a few weeks ago I was coming to work and everything felt wrong. I didn’t want to leave town, leave my family..I just felt off. So I asked for a God Wink. I said, “Lord, help me through this day. Just give me a little wink and let me know I will be ok.”
    Guess what? At every turn, God put people in my path to help me through! It was a perfect day, filled with loving people EVERYWHERE! So when you feel like you have veered off the path, just ask for a God Wink!

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    • November 15, 2018 at 9:56 pm
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      Love that, Molly! I never ask for God winks. I always look for connections (and they are everywhere) and that makes me feel the presence of God in others and in daily life. How fun it is to get a wink! (unless it’s from a creepy person!)

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  • November 6, 2018 at 12:49 pm
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    That was beautiful Laura…the perfect words I needed to read this morning. Thank you!

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    • November 15, 2018 at 9:54 pm
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      Thank you, Julie!

      Reply

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