Communication with the team - orders or requests? - NS. AND
When you talk about leaders, you usually refer to some context - so we have the leader of the expedition, team, company, country etc. And although none of these terms indicates the presence of any living creature, everyone knows perfectly well that it is about people - participants of the expedition, players, employees or countrymen. In order to lead effectively, you must first of all communicate with those who are to follow the leader. For if they do not understand his vision, they will not like it or decide that it is not worth the effort - they will not get involved. This is why leaders are usually very charismatic (or have a powerful PR staff behind them telling you what, when and how to say it). Good communication is the basis of leadership, therefore the knowledge of its basic rules is irreplaceable for anyone who cares about a well-coordinated and committed team.
Communication is like an onion ...
… So it has layers. Communication is present in virtually every communication, although it is easiest to present it in a more personal than official relationship. An example would be the communication between a mother and her child, who is a stereotypical teenager. When she gives him the popular parenting message, "Be careful, put on a hat, look to your sides while crossing the road," the stereotypical teenager will verbally nod to her ("Yes, mom. Yes, mom"). However, a glance is enough and you can already see that he is not entirely interested and convinced of his mother's words - his posture is careless, his arms and legs may be crossed, closed to contact, and his eyes fixed on the ceiling. Also, emotions will not correspond to what he says - he does not feel interest or approval, but boredom, discouragement, and sometimes even the will to do in spite of it.
This example gives us an extremely easily visible cross-section of three aspects of communication, related to both the attitude of the recipient and the sender. So we have a cognitive, behavioral and emotional layer. The easiest way is to control the first component - cognitive, intellectual, which we base on facts. The problem is that it is also the weakest element of the message - according to research, the content of the message is not even half of everything that reaches the recipient. And a lot reaches him - tone of voice, speed of expression, facial expressions, posture, gestures. These behavioral elements (i.e. the behavioral layer) should be in line with what we are saying. Otherwise, the message will be incoherent, which the recipient will immediately notice - after the contact, he or she will feel a certain "aftertaste" of insincerity, not on an intellectual level, but on a deeper, emotional level. And this is the crux of the matter - the recipient will remember the information passed on to him, but his emotions will fall into him more strongly and for longer.
That is why it is so important to pay attention not only to what you want to convey in terms of cognitive and information, but also how it is communicated. And that is why it is so important to properly express your thoughts, opinions and other messages - so as not only to say what you want, but also to leave the best impression. How can this be achieved? How to make communication with the team effective?
Effective communication with the team - rules on how to build a message
Is communication simple? It seems that building a simple message is not difficult - from an early age children are taught how to speak to achieve what they want. However, while a simple message such as "I'm hungry" does not arouse any emotions or ambiguities, the farther into the forest (ie into adult life), the harder it is to communicate in such simple sentences. It turns out that we don't always want to talk to someone only about facts that have happened or are about to happen. We often have to give an order, criticize, inform about our feelings - and if we want to continue contact with the other person, it must be done in a way that does not sound bad, hurt them and negatively affect the entire relationship.
Communication with the team is not always easy for us. It turns out that we often tend to build messages that are not the best for relationships. This happens more often in personal than in formal contacts, but if we lead a team of people, the relations between us become stronger. While they do not become (or at least should not) become as close as they do with friends and family, we certainly stop being strangers to each other, being associates who spend 40 hours a week together. Quite a lot, right?
That is why it is so important to learn a few basic principles of building a message before we move on to the description of more detailed situations related to communication with the team. First of all - you should always speak from the I position, never - you. To understand what these terms mean more easily, consider following an example. So if we say, "You are terribly annoying when you act like this," we immediately hit the other person, labeling them annoying. When we hear something like this, we either feel sorry or make us aggressive and want to bite back and protect our ego. What if we say, "I get nervous when you do that"? The thought is the same, but it sounds quite different. We inform the recipient that there is something wrong with their behavior, but indicate how we perceive it. Such communication with the team based on the assumption: we do not attack - we inform, is recommended.
The above example of a message is also relevant in another way - communication can be pigeonholed and can be based on facts. When we say "You are annoying" we indicate that this is some quality of the person. And a feature, as you know, is difficult to change, it is quite constant - so what is the recipient to do with such a message? Agree or not (that is - acknowledge and lower your mood, or not accept and attack the sender). But when we say, "I am nervous about your behavior," it is completely different - behavior can be changed just like that, at any time. They can also be explained, because perhaps it has rational grounds that the sender simply did not notice. In any case, much more can be done with him than with an anchored, strong personality trait.
You can also put them into different categories. And it is very easy, in one of the following words - always, never, never, at all, classic, standard, as usual. Such words automatically make people feel attacked and come out of a defensive position. Interestingly, they are adopting the right strategy. It is enough to ask the sender a question - always, that is, when? How many times, where and under what circumstances have I acted so far? Thus, the weapon is knocked out of the interlocutor's hand - unless this weapon is a list with the actual events recorded with dates, places and circumstances. So basically always.
Therefore, when we build messages, we avoid such generalizations and focus on facts. "You were late with this project, and you returned the previous one three days after the deadline" is an indisputable sentence. Moreover, such communication with the team puts some pressure on the recipient to explain why this happened, i.e. also to defend himself, but to defend himself constructively and reliably. However, it will not be a defense, after which the sender of the message is left empty-handed, not achieving what he wanted.
It is important to know what is proper communication with the team. The basic principles of building messages are worth knowing and applying in both personal and formal contacts. In the case of team management, however, there are several forms of expression that are particularly important and which often cause trouble for leaders.